arbitapa

This blog took me a long time, in fact such a long time that I don’t even know when the first thoughts materialized into words. Thoughts kept coming over, events went on about me, and the experience grew and grew into a chaotic mess, which I will never be able to sort out. But I think this confusion is relieving though not satisfying as I will be in a search for more answers.

It all began with the lonely night, me alone in my car returning after a night out with some friends and the song on….

"Yaroon dosti badi hi haseen hain,
ye na ho tho kya phir,bolo ye zindagi hain,
Koi tho ho raazdaar,begaraz,tera ho yaar,
koi tho ho raazdaar,
Teri har ek burai pe dante woh dost,
gum ki ho dhoop tho sayaa bane tera vo dost,
yaroon dosti badi hi haseen hain..."

Well it’s the strangest of all things known to me if not to all of the others. It makes me sad, laugh, angry, all in all it’s a riot of emotions.

A person’s identity is nothing but a virtual fact. I read somewhere that a person is well defined by his friends and foes. In fact a person is a just a coordinate in this infinite space, a coordinate defined by those who love him and hate him. That means that any person that we hate tries to repel us and the person we love attracts us, trying to change our very existing coordinate. I think that a true friend is one who is quiet different in this simple coordinate system. He is the one who doesn’t try to change our very existence, but add a totally new dimension to our lives.

This new dimension is cherished by us all. But we miss out something; we miss out on the existence of that new dimension and the person who brought it along. We may take those very moments as “just another happy moment” in life. This ignorance is what kills me at times. I am not afraid that the friend will stop loving me, but I am afraid what if I stop loving my friend. What if I fail in my commitments???

Yet again, it involves a great degree of vulnerability that makes all this so uncomfortable.

I will never be able to say some things, and this succumbs me to the very extreme. I feel like my mind will blast off to pieces, there are no tears in my eyes, no shouts, no sobbings. Only a faint smile comes over. The ones who don't "know me" take that as the "usual". This maks me happier in such a moment of distress and sadness cause I know that my friend will be listening what I m trying to say. This feeling of assurance is my only possesion. I am willing to lose everything for this possesion.........

Recent pics

Diwali


Ahmm ahmm, maybe my next pic for the orkut profile...


Bittal in his new avtar


Is there something wrong with the Chasma or the face??? Keep guessing, thats chussu with cheeku.


Left to right: Bittal, Cheeku, Ant, Myself and Funky. And chussu behind the scenes. Total arbitapa at the dry fountain of PRIYA's.